God First. Others Second?
God First, Others Second? (or listen)
Standing in the entryway, before dawn, Chloe, stood looking up at me panting. Her tail thumping against the wall with all the patience she could muster, she waited to charge outdoors for our morning walk.
Living out in the country with no sidewalks, it’s important not only to suit up with hats and coats but reflective gear as well. For Chloe that meant a reflective dog vest and for me a snazzy, reflective belt.
Both hanging on the hook. I went to grab Chloe’s vest but then, shifted. I reached for my belt first. Circling it around my waist and clipping it in front, I felt a little flash of joy jump inside.
Hmmm? That’s strange. What could be so exciting about grabbing my belt before my dogs?
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Mark 12:28-31 They asked Jesus, “Which commandment is most important of all? Jesus answered, ‘The first and most important one is this, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
All my life I have grappled with what it means to love myself. Being taught, “Love God first, others second and yourself third.” It felt selfish to care for myself. To make space for what I needed. To even admit that I had any needs at all. I was taught that if others had needs, I was to take care of them first. Then, surely, God would take care of mine.
But something about that hadn’t seemed quite right. How can we love others if we don’t first love ourselves?
If we put loving ourselves third, I think our neighbor might be in big trouble!
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Earlier in the book of Mark chapter 6, the disciples were returning to Jesus after he sent them out to the surrounding villages to preach, heal and do miracles in his name. Hesitant at first, they went. Coming back together, they were hyped to the max, excitedly sharing all God had done. Ready to head to the next village Jesus shocked them with these words, “Let’s get away and rest for a while.”
“Now? Right in the middle of the momentum? When people are ready. Primed. Slipping into hell by the minute if we don’t get to them? With our bags still packed? Why? Why, Jesus, would you do this?”
If God was calling them to love others second and themselves third, Jesus would have hit them with their next assignment. Kept God’s whip on their backs. Laid the disciples on the altar to reach everyone else.
He needed to show them right then and there that they were more important than the kingdom work. A God, unlike any other they had experienced before. A Good Father whose first priority were the dear children at his feet.
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It makes complete sense.
I remember phone calls with my mom through the years I was devoting myself 150% to my family. Talking every week I would tell her about my husband’s business, homeschooling the kids, facilitating all their activities, and serving at church. From time to time she would gently ask, “And what are you doing for yourself?”
It was almost offensive. “Mom?! What are you talking about?” Hadn’t I just told her how I was pouring everything out for my husband, family, and church? Wasn’t that what I was doing for myself, what God would be pleased with? It almost felt like an extra burden she was putting on me when I had my hands full already.
But because of her mother’s heart, she couldn’t help but say it.
As a good mother, she could see things that I couldn’t. No matter how many other people had needs, she cared about ME. She couldn’t have been prouder that I was loving my family, God, and others well. But she also couldn’t stand by letting me be run over by the Mac trucks of life, stumbling to my feet battered without time or resources to care for myself. She saw the unique gifts in me and wanted them to have space and just a little time to express themselves too.
Now, as a parent myself, I understand.
When my daughter calls me in the years to come and tells me about taking care of her home, busy family, and church. I will be the one asking, “And what have you done for yourself lately? Have you taken any time for your art? Had any coffee dates with your good friend so-and-so?”
Or my two sons with children of their own now. My heart bursts watching them love their little ones and go to work every day to provide for their families. But what a joy, also, to watch last October as one of them trained for and ran his first marathon. Cheering on the sidelines as he passed by, it made me so happy to see him make time to do something he was passionate about.; to love and care for himself.
Or when my phone lights up and I talk to my other son, “Daddy” to his little princess, Charlotte, as he’s driving to his favorite biking trail for a couple of hours pumping the pedals, soaking in the sunshine with the wind whipping through his hair.
If we, imperfect parents, feel that way about our children, I can only imagine that our heavenly Father feels even more so. So proud as we put our hands to his work in the world and smiling just as big watching us take a few hours to spin pottery, hike in the woods, or hide away in a coffee shop to write.
Maybe it wasn’t my joy, but His that I felt, as I clicked my reflective belt.
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How have taken time to love yourself lately or how can you do it today?