Becoming One: Do We Really Have To Pray Together?
Seeing that it’s February, in recognition of the blessing of love and Valentine’s Month, I’m excited to bring this article about what it means to be spiritually one with your spouse. I’ve heard many opinions in my 37 years of marriage. I thought it would be fun to talk about this one today.
Make sure and take the Couple’s Spiritual Strengths Survey, helping us all to get free of all the “ought to’s”, “should’s” and “gotta’s” and celebrate what your unique spiritual oneness looks like with your spouse.
Can’t wait to hear your comments.
~ Lori
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“Oh Lori, you have to pray together!” my friend said emphatically over coffee. I knew she meant well, but her words hurt. Somehow, we had gotten onto the topic of praying together as a couple, and I’d shared that it wasn’t something Bryan and I did regularly. Not that we never prayed together; it just hadn’t been our strongest suit.
As a 19-year-old and my future husband, just 21, our ideas about what marriage would look like have matched up in some ways with reality and, in others, not.
We’ve been more fortunate than most. We’ve had our struggles, for sure! Neither of us had a college education or strong career prospects when we spoke our vows at the altar; we’ve had our struggles financially.
We’ve had car breakdowns and days so long you want to cry as you fall into bed. Arguments and more moves than I can count. Births, surgeries, and sicknesses. Through it all, what has never changed was our unity with each other. We’ve always been on the same page with our priorities, commitment to family, values, and faith.
The greatest strength of our relationship from the beginning has been our love for Jesus and our passion to live out what he has called us to in our few years on earth.
Yet, our spiritual relationship has been different than I imagined.
I pictured us having our quiet time together. Reading and discussing Bible verses side by side. Praying together as we held hands every night before we fell asleep. Attending church and working in ministry.
Some of these have happened, and others haven’t. Not necessarily because he didn’t want it, sometimes because I didn’t!
For us, praying together over the years hasn’t come naturally. When we’ve tried, it’s often been uncomfortable or fell flat, went too long or too short. Sometimes, he initiated, and others I did, but it wasn’t enjoyable for either of us. Not that we should give up because something isn’t enjoyable or awkward at first.
But on the other hand, with all the components of our spiritual life that we do enjoy and come easier, instead of pushing and plotting for perfection, could I be thankful and appreciate what we do share instead of what we don’t?
We go to church and small group together. We work in ministry, welcoming guests to the Sanctuary together. We love and minister to our kids and have long discussions about our faith.
In my great wisdom (lol) of over 37 years of marriage, I've learned that being one spiritually looks different for every couple.
Even though my friend didn’t mean any harm, the sting and shame told me it wasn’t from God. As excellent of a suggestion as it was, grabbing my husband’s hand in the morning before he left for work and saying, “We gotta pray together!” wasn’t going to work for us.
I am perfectly at peace with that. I love who we are as a couple and the beautiful ways God has designed us to walk out our oneness.
In the meantime, if daily prayer together becomes part of the picture more often, I’ll praise God for that, too.
I wonder, Is this something you also have experienced? What does your spiritual oneness look like?
~ Lori
Other Resources you may find helpful:
· Solitude As a Spouse Article