Me.. New Creation??
I’m not sure how to say this. I am not sure how to say anything at all. My name is Heather Groth DeJonge.
I have to include my maiden name because it is part of my story. My body is 49 years old, but my being is eternal. The Holy Spirit has lived in my temple since July 31, 2009 3:00 am but I am certain that He has been present with me since the beginning.
I have been fighting my whole life. Fighting to survive. Fighting to protect my heart. Fighting just because that is what I do.
On day two of Revelation Wellness’ Instructor Training, we had a Rev on the Mat session. It didn’t seem that significant to me. During our mat time, I heard “Freedom Fighter” said....those terms caught me off guard. I thought, “I don’t have to fight to protect myself anymore?” It dawned on me, I’ve spent my life fighting to protect my heart from being hurt. Vulnerability? Hell no! Vulnerability and intimacy is not safe. I protect me and my heart from anything that would jeopardize its safety.
But a Freedom Fighter? Could I have been fighting to protect the wrong thing all these years? Sobering to know in my attempts to protect my own heart, I have injured and abused those in my wake. My life has been very broken and messy.
As I lay on my mat with this reality, a presence showed up above me. While I couldn’t see anyone, I knew there were two beings in the room with me. “Abba” was standing as tall as my room near the door. His presence is kind and strong. “Jesus” was the second presence. He was stooped over me, reaching and extending his right hand to mine. It felt like I lay there for quite a while, waiting, processing. “Was this for real?” It felt just like the night he showed up to rescue me on July 31. Abba was at the right foot of my bed. Jesus was on the left side as the devil and his demons were hovering over me wicked and endeavoring to pull me down to the depths of the earth.
But here again was my Rescuer extending his hand to me, waiting...so I did what any fallen child would do, I reached back and felt Jesus wrap hold of my hand and forearm all the way up to my elbow. “Are you for real, Jesus?”
He pulled me up. I could feel my face, my head, my chest, and body break through, as if it were, leaving the skin of a corpse lifeless on the mat as I emerged to stand. Abba bent down and gave me a bear hug squishing Jesus and me all together and I sobbed. When I felt brave enough to let go of the embrace, I looked back down at the mat, and there lay a figure of the old me.
It was an eerie presence lying there on the mat. Jesus said, “I make all things new.” He also told me not to look on the old me with disdain but with compassion. I folded up the mat and put it in the corner but I couldn’t forget my old crumpled body that still laying there.
Day Three, I woke and wondered if what happened yesterday had happened at all. I thought it d. I felt different inside. Before the third session began, I had a tension-filled conversation with my husband. I was late and not very happy as I closed the door and began to listen to Alisa lead, “Be Still and Be Loved. I just listened and cried. “I thought I was new. Maybe I am not”. The day continued and I struggled to listen.
The words I did hear throughout the day were “New Creation”. Why do I keep hearing these words? The balloon popping session came. I’m a little lost. I think she said write down your insecurities on the balloon. Ok...”Vulnerability is not safe.” I squeeze the balloon with my bare hands, POP! I am broken and sad. Where is that paper? “New Creation”. What? My paper says, “NEW CREATION”? I am a new creation? I AM A NEW CREATION. I am safe. I am vulnerable. I am new.
Day four: Last night in my dreams, God wrestled and resolved some turmoil in me. Things are starting to make sense. I got up from my bed, grabbed my exercise mat, walked it out to the trash can and threw it in, corpse and all.
“Goodbye”, I said to the old me with compassion and a slight smile. Freedom is as freedom does. “I am a New Creation.”