What Belongs and What Doesn’t?
... How do you know what to choose?
(or Click Here to listen to the Podcast)
Fall was coming. I could feel it in the air. The sun went down a little sooner in the evenings. The crickets hummed louder over the browning fields where dragonflies zig-zagged through the air. The store aisles were lined with school supplies, with moms perusing fresh, new clothes and kids carrying bright, white tennis shoes with happy grins.
Emails started coming about fall classes, book groups, and bible studies starting soon. At church, small groups were gearing up for their fall launch with the title of the new sermon series beginning soon in the announcements.
In my own soul, I was getting hungry. Excited, like the kids getting ready to go back to school, for structure; to dive in again to what God had for me to grow closer to Him and fulfill the purposes He created me for.
Visiting over coffee with a good friend with just a few minutes before we had to zoom off to our day, we bowed our heads in prayer, “Oh God, we love you. We give ourselves completely to you. Thank you for this, that, and the other thing. Lord, we want our lives to reflect your will, show us what belongs and what doesn’t.”
I can’t tell you how many times we’ve prayed that prayer together. Both, in our middle-age years, when we thought with our kids grown, life would slow down a bit. It’s been just the opposite.
In the 21st century with technology offering every opportunity at our fingertips, and travel more common than ever, it doesn’t matter whether you’re in the college, child-raising, empty nest, or senior years, we have a plethora of opportunities, way more than our strength, finances, or spirits can handle.
It used to be our options were limited to where we lived. We would excitedly await the announcement of our church’s fall bible studies and small groups. Or if you were really ambitious maybe you would take a class in a neighboring town. Travel was something you did once or twice a year where now we are heading to the airport at least once a quarter.
In the world we live in, it’s never been more important to live a life of constant discernment.
The "plethora" for me this Fall looked something like this:
Renovare Book Club, an organization dedicated to growing more like Jesus with a national community connected to my spiritual formation work and passion, reading four books this year.
Dominican Center, my spiritual direction alma mater’s fall book club, with its first book about one of the spiritual giants I’m most interested in.
My Church’s small groups starting up, building community and growing in faith with the fellow believers I’m called to first and foremost.
Celebrating my 37th wedding anniversary with a dream trip with my amazing hubby.
Our son’s wedding, with a week of celebration in Oregon.
Being “Nana” to my two-year-old grandson two days a month while my daughter-in-law is deployed.
Writing the book God's given to me
How was I to wade through the choices to make the ones closest to God’s will; the ones when my life is all said and done, I would be happiest that I did?
At 56, I’ve never been more aware of the importance of my choices and also that I am not wise enough to know what to choose without God’s help.
This life is a walk of faith. We’re human and will never make all the right choices at the perfect times. But as we come back to Fall, it’s a great time to revisit these God-given practices to help us decide.
First, regular time with God. “Still” time, each day for God to speak, shape our thoughts, and tweak our day through words that he makes jump off the page and instructions that we hear in our hearts in the stillness.
Then regular, longer, intentional times to bring God our hearts and lives and space to direct our course. The changing of seasons is the perfect reminder to take a morning or a day, to get away to a quiet place for this purpose. If you have a space in your home or yard where you can be undistracted, you can use that. I can slip out the door and sit by the creek or take a few hours in the prayer cabin. But, many times I need a different space than where I normally live for my heart to truly get still. Sometimes, a coffee shop, the library, a park, or my friend and fellow retreater’s beautiful home that she lets me use when she is away at work.
Taking my bible, notebook, and calendar, I close my eyes for a minute or two of silence. Let words flow out in prayer. Journal. Look over my calendar, placing my hand on it in a short prayer of dedication. Bringing God my life, relationships, commitments, and opportunities, I ask Him to show me His will for the next three months.
Then, I wait. The priorities begin to arrange themselves with the most important ones rising to the top and I make a list.
Enjoy the anniversary trip to celebrate with my amazing husband ❤️
Savor, Jonathan and Victoria’s wedding.
Be Nana to my favorite little buddy, who will never be two years old again.
Love and go deeper in faith and life with the believers in my small group.
Write Journey with a Giant, the book God has entrusted to me.
As I jotted down the list, the ones that belonged gave me a sense of peace, joy, and energy. There’s a principle I learned during my Spiritual Direction training from a devoted follower of Jesus from the 16th century named, Ignatius of Loyola. When he first came to God, he was recuperating from a war wound.
Laying in bed, thinking about his future, there were two very different paths that presented themselves. Before he came to the Lord, his greatest passion was to be a great soldier, mighty in military exploits.
During his recuperation, as he read the Bible and stories of the lives of the saints, a second option, to spend his life as Jesus and his followers did, sharing and ministering in daily life to people within their communities, emerged.
He had a terrible time choosing. One minute he would decide to continue with option #1 accomplishing heroic feats on the battlefield and the next flip to option #2 to live heroically for Christ.
Then he noticed something. When he thought about continuing on his military path, there was momentary elation but then sadness, confusion, doubt, and uncertainty.
But when he imagined life on the second path, though it didn’t seem as glamorous, he felt a surge of energy, joy, and excitement and came to realize that this was God’s Spirit within him, showing him the way. Over time, this became known as “consolation and desolation”, foundational principles of discernment, that have been passed on to every generation since as valuable tools in determining God’s will for our lives.
As I came to God with the options for the next few months, the same thing happened to me. As I listed: Anniversary, Wedding, Nana, Church, and Book, my heart felt a strong sense of joy, peace, and love; the fruits of God’s Spirit. When I tried to add any of the others, that didn’t belong, no matter how good they were, I felt myself tense up with a sense of overwhelm, frustration, or anxiety.
I’m so thankful for these tools to help us. As God’s children, he promised that his Spirit would live within us and guide us on our way. We can trust the spark is God answering our prayer, showing us what belongs and what doesn’t.
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How about you,
I would love to hear how you have navigated the choices in front of you this season. If you haven’t had the chance yet, looking at your calendar, is there a time you can slip away to have time with Him?