Solitude as a Spouse??
“I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other” Rainer Maria Rilke
It wasn’t just difficult, it seemed impossible!
Life was a whirlwind. Within 3 years, I moved to a new state, started college, fell in love, got married, was knee deep in a complete house remodel and holding a new baby. Living every young girl’s dream; swooped off my feet by a marvelous young man and into married life with huge dreams. Life was good. I was so happy!
Yet, I felt unfounded; like a ship without a rudder. I loved life as a couple. I couldn’t put into words the fulfillment in becoming a mother. Yet, there was something off. In all the beautiful life additions of spouse, marriage, children, and home, there was a void.
I didn’t have time for solitude. I had given my life to the Lord in 8th grade and spent my high school years deepening my intimacy with him.
I devoured the bible sitting at my desk with concordance and Webster’s dictionary, chewing on verses slowly, following never-ending bunny trails from one verse to another. Hours with the door closed in the “sanctuary” of my room for prayer; His presence so thick I could almost touch it. Long walks in the open field across from my childhood home with my journal, talking with my Abba Father. Evening bike rides with cassette player (remember those?) strapped to the book rack blaring worship music across the miles.
Those were precious years getting to know my heavenly Father as He had always known me.
Now, married, those years behind me, I was at a loss. I loved my life, knew God had orchestrated every step, and that there was no greater call than marriage, motherhood, and life in my community.
But how was I supposed to tend my individual soul and relationship with God in the adult world of responsibility and marriage?
Life was a never-ending cycle of rushing from work to home, taking care of the baby, spending time with hubby, scrambling to pay the bills, be part of church and the community. Vanished were the hours with my bible, journal, prayer … time with my Abba Father.
I missed it so. My heart ached and I prayed, “Lord, I know how to walk with you as a single person, but how do I do it as a wife?”
It took years to figure out. Some seasons, with newborns and young children, it’s a scramble and you have to appreciate your few minutes with God instead of hours. That is Holy Ground, as well.
But could there have been a way to do things a little differently?
Could I have given my husband an hour, a morning or evening once a week where he didn’t feel he had to rush home and start his 2nd shift as “Daddy” to be his Abba’s son? To cherish who God was and who he was, again.
Could he have held down the fort for me to go off for a few hours to tend my soul, spirit and body in solitude?
To think, as empty nesters, 35 years down the road (yikes!) we have only just begun to understand how important it is and make space for this now.
Better late than never! Even if we didn’t do it then we can still do it now. God is a redeemer and is making something beautiful.
And maybe we can pass this wisdom on to the young-ins.
3 Simple Ways I Want to Guard My Hubby’s Solitude:
Give him a quick kiss and leave him alone in the bedroom when he wakes up in the morning and has a little time before he needs to head to work.
Smile and leave him alone after dinner when he’s sitting in his recliner with his laptop and headphones just doing what he wants to do.
Surprise him and leave him alone while I spend an evening with a girlfriend giving him the house all to himself and no hurry to get home from work.
He’ll probably wonder what happened to his wife 😆
_________
HOW ABOUT YOU?…
How have you tended your own or your spouse's need for solitude?
How would you like to?