The New Year Examen and Your Life’s Golden Thread
(Click here for bonus podcast interview with Chris Slabbekoorn)
“I am CONFIDENT of this very thing, that HE who began a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Phil 1:6
At 55, I’d been struggling. 4 years ago, my last child graduated, launching me officially into the empty nest years. The Lord had blessed my husband and I with 20 acres of land and a vision to build a retreat center. I’d started taking classes, gotten my Spiritual Direction certification, and started writing.
I loved the years of raising my kids and serving in leadership roles in the church and homeschool community. But a year ago standing face-to-face with the roles of retreat leader, teacher, and writer, I felt completely out of my league.
Shaking in my boots, I could’ve easily shifted into something easier. Could’ve expanded my work at my husband’s office. My hands were plenty full being a wife, mother to our six children, and Nana to our grandchildren.
But I couldn’t deny that I felt God calling me into these other roles as well. I felt his passion to create spaces for others to come away and have intimate time with him on retreat. I felt his calling to help others grow closer to him through writing articles. And more recently he had entrusted me with a Christian growth practice I felt he wanted me to put in a book.
Somehow, I found myself at writers' conferences, feeling like a little kid in the adult world. Standing outside of publishers’ doors, waiting for my 15-minute appointment to “pitch” my book idea, everything in me wanted to run away.
The truth was, I was exactly where God had called me to be. But as I faced one challenge after another, I realized how vulnerable and unequipped I felt. I was terrified that I was too weak. My confidence in these callings of my life was as fragile as a glass Christmas ornament in danger of falling to the floor and shattering into a thousand pieces.
When I dug down deep, I realized that I didn’t believe God the Father was watching over me. Sure, he holds others in his hands, but was he really watching over me? Wasn’t he too busy with much more important people and world events than to care about these trivial things?
When I sat down to write an article, stood in front of a group to lead a retreat, or outside a publisher’s door, I was gut-wrenchingly afraid because I believed everything was up to me; that if anything was going to happen, I’d have to pull off something amazing.
A year ago, in the week between Christmas and New Year's, I shut myself away with the Lord, my Bible and a notebook, to lean into my relationship with Him through the New Year Examen practice.
Flipping through the 2022 and 2023 calendars, and noticing the assignments God had given me, I was filled with intense fear and inadequacy.
Asking him for a theme verse for the New Year, Philippians 1:6 came to my mind.
“I am confident of this very thing that he who began a good work in me will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
What I noticed first was the word CONFIDENT was not in my abilities but in GOD’s. That HE, not me, began all good works and everything that had happened or would happen in my life, HE, would perform until the day of Jesus Christ.
He wanted to heal me. Bring me freedom from the chains binding me. Show me how to live the abundant life, knowing that it’s not me carrying the heavy yoke but yoking myself to him while he carries it! All I needed to be was a vessel for him to flow through.
In that verse, and other things he showed me about my spirit, mind, body, relationships, work, and callings, God gave me the anchors I needed for the year. I can’t tell you how many times, I came back to it. Times I would be getting ready to teach on Zoom, women were checking into their rooms for a retreat I was leading or showing up for a publisher meeting. As my heart pounded in my chest, the Spirit would draw me back to these words, nudging me to say aloud, “I am CONFIDENT that HE who began this (retreat, article, book, and every good work) in me, HE WILL PERFORM it until the day of JESUS CHRIST.”
He has changed me this year as He helped me to let go and let Him flow through me. With this new understanding, I can fulfill what he has for me in 2024.
If I had one gift that I could give to you as we head into the New Year, it would be that same gift. A practice that you could use as you shut yourself away to hear his instructions and receive the anchors, he has just for you; to hold you fast and strengthen you for the year ahead.
Click here to download your copy of the New Year Examen. I pray it will be a blessing and can’t wait to chat a year from now about all the miraculous things He has done!
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I would love to hear... After shutting yourself away with him, what has he revealed to you for the year ahead?