Arriving On Retreat: Slowing the Pace
by Linda Andersen excerpt from Retreats for the Comfortable
Once you arrive at your chosen “Sabbath space,” if you are new at this, you will enter, shut the door, and wonder, “What now?” None of us puts on the brakes easily, especially if we live in running shoes and operate in overdrive. Don’t expect too much from yourself or from your time. Let God set the agenda. Allow it to unfold. Look around you slowly and drink it in. Drop your bag of things to do. Sink into a chair. Hear the racing of your heart as it slows. Hear the overlay of God’s hushed invitation: “Come away with me and rest awhile.” Allow the first layer of your real feelings to slowly surface. What seems to be the deepest need of your soul? Sit with this thought long enough to hear a clock tick.
Once, after my mother died, I needed to simply cry for an hour and a half. Add to that prayer and even “talking to mom.” It did more for me than a year of grief sessions would have.
Begin to shuck off any façade, any costuming of your soul, for you will not only be meeting God in a particular way, but you will be meeting yourself! God has known all along who you are and takes exceptional delight in you. So there’s nothing to fear there. There’s no need to hide. The God who has revealed Himself completely in Christ is totally on your team. He’s total love, total acceptance, and total forgiveness. And He has a life-sized satchel of good plans for you. So, then, rest in His presence.
Open your spirit even as you begin your time. Just a simple “yes” to “Him who listens” will suffice. For His ears are always open to you, and His eyes are always alert, caring for you in ways you can’t see. His heart is the same heart which yearned for the friendship of Adam and Eve in the first garden where they had a daily walk together. And now you are here: in your garden of silence. Meet, then, with your God.
When you’re ready, put your things away and then forget them. If facilities permit, make a soothing (non-stimulating) drink to accompany your slowing down. Sip it slowly as your tumbling thoughts readjust and adapt to this strange, unexpected pleasure of unwrapping themselves without hurry.
You will begin to “notice” the authentic voice of your heart after a while–not what others expect you to say or think, but what you honestly think and feel. If sorrow, grief, or pain is trying to surface, gently allow them in. They have been there all along, waiting for space to work through and out of you as Mighty Counselor goes to work.
This is your sacred space to take the jagged shards of your heart and lay them at the foot of the blood-spattered cross and talk them over with God and diffuse their pain and noise. Yes! Mighty Counselor! That’s who He is and wants to be to you! It is His name! And He yearns for permission to counsel your heart. Lean into this invitation, then, if you would gain the most from your time. Crawl out of any skin you may have devised to camouflage your heart and stand tall and vulnerable and free in His forgiving presence. It is your Eden. And God is in the garden.
If in a retreat center, you may take delight in a prolonged, fragrant tub bath right after you arrive! It helps slow you down. And, then, a full-blown nap prepares you for what is to come. If your body has been pressed beyond measure, it will thank you for your thoughtfulness!
You may be a person who would do better to journal a while or read a Psalm lectio divina (slowly), meditating on each word, each phrase. Psalm 23 will do just fine for the whole day; for it is a storehouse of bottomless truth and all one can handle in a day like this.
Also, consider a walk, preferably in a place of beauty and repose and silence. You don’t need to pray, but your thoughts will raise God-ward. And what’s the difference? Just present yourself and allow Him some talk time with you. Just listen. There is no formula for how God will decide to incarnate Himself into your day, your heart, but there seem to be patterns which emerge when you retreat regularly.
First comes a period of “emptying.” You discover how bloated your heart is with unfinished business. Many times, tears are the order for this time, and then bodily rest, and then talking with God or journaling or reading the Word. Or…just reflecting.
Some may need the whole time for purest worship, singing, dancing, or unfettered jubilation. Follow your heart, enter the dance of the soul, and allow God to lead down the sun-dappled pathway of a love relationship with Him. He has waiting this long. He will wait until you are ready.
Some facilities offer Spiritual Direction (see Tim Jones’ A Place for God), and if talking with a spiritual director would help (and it always helps me), then think about it. Make an appointment beforehand. These directors are deeply committed to helping you find God lovingly at work in your circumstances. And all is confidential.
When I first began, I always “took my life out,” section by section and wrote where I thought I was wandering or falling short and where I was doing okay. I talked it over with God and read Scripture. And always, I received clarity, direction, refreshment, and peace.
One time, I let go of such an organized approach and just rested in the Presence and opened my heart to His agenda. A corner was turned, and it was named humility, surrender, and deeper intimacy.
The Bible became His voice to me no matter where I was in life and what was going on. He spoke to it. Who was this God who could wrestle with my soul and patch up the cracks of my heart in so fine a manner? And why in the world would He bother?
The conclusion evolved slowly, but I came crashing into the shocking wall of truth that God loved me! Me! Totally and forever and without question, He loved. Your journey will lead there also because He cannot deny who He is.
But, as layers of you unpeel and the real you steps out into the light of God, you will most likely be stunned by waves of God’s tranquilizing power and by a gigantic love without boundaries. Look for Him, because He is there, and here, and ahead, and behind, and below and above, and then, and forever.
IN HIM, YOUR SEARCH WILL END